“Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” –Unknown.
While I laugh every time I read this quote, I do have to begin with a disclaimer: I am a very blessed girl in the family I was chosen to be a part of and I love them with every little bit of my heart! That being said, my friends are freakin’ awesome.
My girlfriends especially are magnificent, majestic little beings who can be there for me 110%, even when they just have to watch as I make a huge mess of my life. They take on the balancing act of supporting me and going along with my ridiculous antics, while also calling me out and shooting my terrible ideas down without wavering. I honestly do not know where on Earth I would be without their belly laughs, eye rolls, hugs and cheers with every step I take in life.
When I find myself falling for someone new, I always talk it out with my girls first. If they are hesitant on approving the guy, I feel a giant scarlet flag being hoisted up in my head. Not to say the flag stops me from making my own (dumb) decisions, but why would we want someone who are most influential peers are not crazy about?
I say all of this because I have noticed a pattern, both with myself and with my friends: we maintain a higher standard for who our friends spend time with more so than we do for ourselves. I, personally, keep one eyebrow cocked and my mouth frozen in a straight line until a guy vying for my friends’ heart impresses me (which I can tell you, takes A LOT– sorry, not sorry. Step up, gentlemen!). He could be the most seemingly perfect man around, but if he dare step one toe out of line- NO WAY IS HE GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY GIRL!!!
I laughed about this with one of my friends the other day while we were cringing at the thought of some of the guys of our past. Why do we keep the standards impossibly high for each other, but tend to bend the rules and make excuses for ourselves? Does it come down to confidence- thinking we don’t deserve to have it as good as our buddies should?
Even though it started as a laughing matter, my thoughts on this slowly turned to a more serious realization. Going beyond dating itself, we always lower the criteria for ourselves, settling for what we think we deserve rather than going for the best thing imaginable, while nit-picking every single teeny-tiny flaw in who/what are friends are going after, lecturing that they deserve better. If only we could practice what we preach a little better.
Ladies especially tend to have more insecurities and are more likely to lower their morals and values at the thought of ending up alone in the world- GASP! THE HORROR!!!
Amy Poehler said it best (as per usual), “When you do talk about yourself, or talk to yourself…try to picture you talking to your own daughter or your younger sister. Because you would tell your younger sister or your daughter that she is beautiful, and you wouldn’t be lying. Because she is, and so are you.”
We have got to stand up, raise our chins, and above all else, our standards. We need to quit apologizing for our needs, wants, dreams, desires and goals. Why should anyone, especially ourselves, make us feel bad for wanting what we want?! God gave us desires for a reason. Don’t ever let anybody cause you to question yours. Don’t ever downgrade because you think you may be asking too much or have too high of standards. Believe me, I have had more than one man roll his eyes (to my face, no less) and tell me I have unattainably high standards. That just assured me they were not the ones for me. I know amazing men exist because I have met them through many different facets in life. You just have to be patient and never let the bad ones cause you to lose hope for the good ones who have yet to make an appearance.
So raise your standards for yourselves, and join me in raising a glass: to quote one of the best rom-coms ever (The Wedding Date), “Here’s to the husbands who’ve won you, the losers who’ve lost you, and the lucky [dogs] who have yet to meet you!”