We have all been there and had those feeling of being unwanted unneeded and left behind. It is hardly ever a feeling we see coming or have true control over. It’s almost as if it creeps up on a person and all of the sudden we are left holding onto anything and everything within our reach that reminds us that we do matter to some measure and we are never truly forgotten. It is in these terrible moments of self doubt and sadness that we discover just what is that we are made of and who is really truly in it for the long haul and who is only a fair weather friend. We know we must seek something beyond who we are. We must continue to seek moments with the ones that build us up instead of tearing us down. We must find like minded companions that encourage us when all else seems to fail and more importantly we must seek more of moments with the One that gives peace and understanding when all else fails us.
All people have different faces that they put on for each facet of life. We have work faces, polite faces, controlled faces and just make it to the next day faces. What we allow each person to see and what we truly face remains to be determined, depending on where we are in life and what makes or breaks us as human beings. As life has run it’s course and I have had the opportunity to make, keep (and yes lose friends), I have come to discover that each friend that I love and allowed into my life has taught me important lessons along the way. Each friend I have come to know revealed who they really were and why they were the way they were was a lesson. More importantly, a gift, as each season brought me to find that each person was there in the perfect moment when I needed them the most. Each one teaching me lessons on life and love and what it truly means to never really be alone.
As an adopted kid the fact remains that I am at times terrified of people leaving me and never being around when I need them the most. There is a definitive risk in allowing people in and letting them know the real me. It is much safer to just let them see one layer of happiness and giggles. That to the outside world that is all there is, happiness and laughter galore. For the most part that is really and truly me to my very core. But on the days where the struggle is real, allowing people to see the struggle is never really a thing. Who in their right mind would want to show that all things are in fact quite imperfect and not all things are right with the world?
Acknowledging these moments takes greater strength and courage than one would think. It means being vulnerable and open to a world that can will tear you apart if one is not cautious with whom they allow in. To trust someone enough with all of the inner working of one’s mind and heart requires a level of trust that can be broken. So how do we know we can trust anyone for that matter? When do we know we have found such a human? Sure it’s easy to trust when we are younger but as time has it’s way and life continues to challenge us, an inherent sense of UN-trust surrounds us and makes the letting of new people into one’s life a much harder chore than it used to be. Truth be told, no one is perfect and these moments happen. It’s what we do with them and how we react that makes life either richer and fuller or harder and lonelier. Sometimes it leaves us picking up the pieces and learning to deal with life and all of it’s toughness. It has been in these moments that I have had to seek more of God and less of the busy world that surrounds me. It is when I am at my most quiet I hear what it is that drives me and pushed me to be better than I was. There will be tough times but the beauty of never truly being alone is what sustains us and keeps us going when the going gets tough.
Sometimes life requires adventure and uncertainty . It’s never forgetting that that we are never alone. It’s the people and the ever presence of out Father that keeps us believing even when we doubt the most.