Hey you guys, here we are, another week is in the books and hopefully it finds each us of finding a somewhat new and awakened way of seeing life. I know that this journey of writing and talking about life is growing me as an individual and I am excited to see what I learn as I continue to write. Thin places, beauty, love, and kindness, it’s all in this world when we truly have eyes to see it.
I seriously have one of the best roommates on the entire planet. She and I share a lot of the same opinions and at other times we do not. It’s called being human I suppose. But we share a faith in God and know that He guides us wherever we go. She is one of life’s greatest gifts to me. We often have talks of where we are and where we have been in life. It is always a learning experience to see what we have come from. We were talking the other night and she stated God does not make junk. Well duh, I wanted to say. But something quieted me and I just listened instead. Silence can really be golden. So profound and so true. It made me think of all the times that it was easier to see the flaws in something or someone instead of focusing on the fact that the situation or the person was of God and that somewhere in all of the chaos, I could see God somewhere. That the said person was not junk, nor was the situation.
It made me think of so many times in my life that I thought I was so unworthy and undeserving of where I was and that I was not worthy of what I had. Not that I am saying to lose all humbleness and see only how great a person and their accomplishments are, I mean we are all human. But maybe for two seconds I could actually take a compliment. I am seriously the worst at accepting them. They embarrass me and I never know how to take them. Sure, I can say thank you and than try my best to not turn twenty shades of red. I dance and sometimes compliments happen and they still do to this day catch me off guard but even in my awkwardness I am thankful. Sometimes, the most humbling moments are found when least expect them. They help keep life real and humble. They can be a gentle reminder that we are not junk.
God does not make junk. So simple and yet so profound. It gave me a reality check. I work in the service industry and it so easy to see the worst in someone and forget that they are one of God’s children just like me. Seriously the person that just chewed me out for being out of something, yup they are one of God’s children and not mine to be mean to. Not that I have to be a doormat and no, no one deserves to be walked on. It seems just when I think I’ve learned that lesson I am taught it over again. Go figure, right? We should never stop learning ? They, and I, are not junk. Though not perfect we are still a living breathing human being, with real feelings. This past week alone I was floored when one of my least favorite customers asked for a gift card that they could leave and in turn pay for perfect strangers coffee that they had met the previous day. They had found that the customer was in town hoping for best for their son that was in critical care at the hospital. Just when I had made my mind up that that I would never really like said customer he humbled me with another act of kindness that made me remember that everyone has a story. Snap decisions can be made and yet we sometimes, are not always in the right for such an opinion.
I remember well the time my sweet young heart was so broken by the absolute first love of my life. I was shattered and nothing seemed to make anything better. We have all been there. Girl meet guy, guy meets girl and one has much stronger feelings for one than the other. I was crushed. In my mind we were inseparable. How could it be that he had chosen someone else? Why not me? Was I not enough? Was I not pretty enough? We had shared so much life together. I had become so dependent upon him that I no longer relied on God. That was my first mistake. How had a relationship taken so much from who I was? Doubts and fear set in that I was not good enough. Junk was better than me. That was it, I was junk. Rather, thrown out with the trash and insignificant to what I had once thought was so important. It would be a far stretch of the truth to say that I handled everything well. But the next several months were filled with sadness and the feeling of being unwanted. One of the absolute worst feelings ever.
Slowly but surely the most perfect people were placed in my life to assure me I was not junk. I was wanted and loved beyond measure. I began to see the plan before me, was greater than any plan I could have ever foreseen for myself. In my utter brokenness, I was shaped into a new version of myself. This version of me, leaned on God and not so much the world to see the beauty and gentle spirit of hope that could be found if only I had eyes to see it. I had a new found purpose. I with the help of family and friends could help others see what they were and what they could become. That God never made junk. Sometimes one does not always see their purpose or why the senselessness of a situation happens but if we all look closely we see can see God somewhere in everything that happens. Out of brokenness and hopelessness we can find something bigger than what we are. Lesson learned I could not always rely on people but I could always rely on God.
I have a wide variety of friends and some of them believe that believing in a higher power is pointless and that they can make it all on their own. I promise that I would have never made it through my first heartbreak without believing in something greater than myself. That I was not alone in all of my brokenness. There was a quiet calmness and peace even as I worked through my anger and disappointment. I will never be pushy about what I believe. Leading by example is what I strive to do each day. That in it’s own right can be pushy enough. Actions speak louder than words. Each day it seems that I trip and it never a perfectly perfect day of loving everyone. Than again who would want to be perfect? Not I, that alone is way too much pressure. I am already a perfectionist as it. Just ask my dance coach. Believing in God who is greater than me and knowing that it doesn’t all end here makes life have a much bigger purpose and meaning. I am not junk.
What about those moments that junk is all we seem to see. I guess that is where free will comes in. We all make choices and well can choose to be a positive or negative force in the world we live in. In talking to a coworker once I was challenged to help them see that she was important and had a purpose despite her feeling of being just the opposite of that. I remember telling her, people will always say something. Be it positive of negative we all have the ability to be uplifting and see the diamonds in the rough. There is generally an inherent want to do good for others. Sometimes it is just easier to not act on such feelings. Sometimes it is so much easier to see only the bad parts of a person or that fact that they are not like everyone else. But than again maybe being different is exactly what this world needs more of. Walking this world was never promised to be an easy feat. There is something greater and bigger than us in the specific moment we are in. Everyone needs to be reminded of that sometimes. You, me, the neighbor, perhaps a complete stranger. We are worthy of so much more. We are not junk.
Just when I think I can’t be nice anymore or smile anymore I for the most part am filled with the want to try just one more time. I overheard a customer today ask my barista why is everyone smiling so much? My barista replied, we are just happy and hope you have a good day today. By the end of the transaction the customer was all smiles. A small moment that could have been seen as grumpy and so not worth one’s time had been turned around. Hopefully in that moment that customer’s day was made into a day of a few more smiles. Perhaps he was reminded that smiles can make this world go around. That maybe he was worth the time we spent with him even if it was only for a few minutes.
So here is to a week of not being junk. Maybe we can all find a diamond in the rough. Or maybe we reminded that we were made for a bigger purpose and that we don’t have to have it all perfectly perfect all of the time. One small window can let the most light in. Smile always, laugh until your sides hurt, invest time in others. Don’t be afraid to be the change in the world. There is only one you. No one else quite sees the world the way you do. You can’t always change what others do but you can have impact in very facet of life that you touch.